am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
