wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
