The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
