sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
