Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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