ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize