Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
