before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
