Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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