i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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