I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
