Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
