I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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