In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
