I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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