It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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