So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
