i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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