so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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