i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
