I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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