Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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