What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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