Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
