doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
