When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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