I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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