Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
