my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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