I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
