i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
