Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
