wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
