I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if only i could text you this smell
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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