All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
