I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
