I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
