Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
