there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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