the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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