if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
