alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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