Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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