he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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