hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
