New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
40s are totally the cure
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
