I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize