Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
