I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
