if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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