you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
