If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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