i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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