My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize