So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
