Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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