your thong is hanging out like whoa
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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