your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
