his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
