The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
