Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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