In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
