it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
