So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
