he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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