you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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