You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
