Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
