Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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