What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
