Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I CAN MOONWALK!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize