Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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