she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
