but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This house was built for laser tag.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
