it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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